


Because the night belongs to us

by Theothergaycousin



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, they own my depressed heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theothergaycousin/pseuds/Theothergaycousin
Summary: Dani and Jamie's story told from both their point of views.It begins shortly before Jamie's gay strut into the kitchen.It does include missing moments in between. For example, how did Jamie find out about Dani's engagement?How did Dani know Jamie lived above the pub?I removed Flora from the greenhouse flirting scene just because I can.The ending won't be canon-compliant.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 113
Kudos: 350





	1. Meet cute

**Author's Note:**

> I mean, guys, there’s a shit ton of 80’s love songs that have lyrics that apply to this pairing.
> 
> In the end I decided to pick the one that has a less depressing vibe, because even though they're both softies, Dani and Jamie are also badass AF.
> 
> Enjoy.

**JAMIE**

It had been a long busy morning in the garden.

Jamie had encountered Hannah earlier that morning in the chapel and found out that the new au pair had already arrived. 

Unusually reserved and not really interested in knowing more about the girl, Jamie merely shrugged the information away and went back to the greenhouse to repot some plants that had already overgrown their current recipient.

She found herself lost in thought as she cared for the plants, thinking about Rebecca, about goddamned Peter Quint, and the fact that having a new au-pair at the house was rattling her more than she cared to admit. 

-/-

It was close to noon when her stomach reminded her it was almost time to eat.

Jamie made her way to the back entrance of the house that led directly to the kitchen, indulging her curiosity for a bit and trying to figure out what kind of woman the new au-pair would be.

She thoroughly wiped her boots before entering, and as she strutted into the kitchen, she robbed a quick glance at the unknown blonde woman, avoiding eye contact.

Jamie couldn’t really pin down what made her decide to be rude. To be fair, she never really was the type of person to actively introduce herself, unless it was a one-on-one situation.

It’s not as if she felt guilty. Putting some distance between her and people had helped her before. Most people were trouble anyway, and rarely any was worth the investment of her time.

It also didn’t help that the au-pair was beautiful. 

_Fine. Maybe I panicked a bit._

So, in the end, as a way of trying to mend the situation, Jamie picked on the kids, showing a glimpse of her playful side, lightening up the mood. 

-/-

**DANI**

A woman that Dani assumed was the gardener entered the kitchen without even acknowledging her presence.

Dani scanned the intriguing figure, wondering why she’d avoid any kind of formal introduction. The way she walked exuded a kind of confidence Dani wished she had herself.

 _I wonder what her name is._

_Ah well._

The gardener then messed with the kids, in a gesture that felt like something any older sibling would do. And even if it was just a small gesture, it instantly made Dani think she could trust her somehow. 

Then she remembered something that had been in the back of her mind for a while, and with everyone on the table, it was probably the best opportunity she’d had to approach the subject.

“Was there…somebody…working on the grounds today? Maybe a repairman or something?” 

As the au-pair proceeded to describe what she had seen, Jamie felt a small chill going down her spine. 

_Crap. Don’t tell me Peter Quint is back to steal more shit._

The three adults brushed the subject aside, trying to show there was no reason to worry. 

Dani was not convinced, silently deciding to go and check out the parapet later in the day.


	2. Too pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love when Jamie is all attitude and zero chill, as she shamelessly admires Dani from afar.

**JAMIE**

When Hannah told Jamie that the new au-pair had managed to convince the kids to do some gardening, she could hardly believe it.

In all of her years at Bly Manor, she never witnessed Miles and Flora doing any kind of house work.

She was surprised but mostly curious. 

“Hey, how ‘bout we join them then?” – Jamie suggested – “Owen? I reckon it’s time to have one of those gins you’ve been braggin’ about.”

-\\-

**DANI**

Getting the kids to do some work outside was probably the best idea she ever had. The weather was great, and despite this being a chore, the kids were in good spirits and actively trying to be helpful.

“I’m sure the gardener will appreciate your handiwork.” – Dani said, hoping Miles and Flora would like to hear that.

Miles stopped what he was doing to answer, with a doubtful expression on his face:

“Maybe. I don’t think Jamie likes when people mess with the garden.” 

_Jamie. Nice to finally learn your name._

“We’re not messing – we’re cleaning the weeds.” - Dani answered – “We’re taking off the bad plants to make room for the good ones”

“How do you choose which ones are good and which ones are bad?” – The young boy asked.

“Well, that’s a very good- “Dani interrupted her answer as she noticed Hannah and Jamie approaching the garden.

“Hey!” – She greeted the women, feeling a bit flustered.

Hannah smiled back while Jamie went for a lopsided grin.

“Hey yourself. Mind if we park over here?” – Jamie pointed at a couple of chairs nearby.

“Not at all.” – Dani answered.

She lowered herself again by Flora’s side, her eyes still on the gardener and governess as they made themselves comfortable in the shade. A warm feeling washed over Dani. She tries to ignore the fact that her cheeks are getting hot, too.

A couple of seconds go by until the au-pair eventually notices she was staring, so she turned around to resume the conversation she was having with Miles.

"The bad ones are generally the ones who take control over the other's place, not letting them get the sun and nutrients they need to live." She explained. 

Miles seemed somewhat affected by this piece of information. He eventually nodded and silently resumed his work on a corner nearby.

"Nice!" – Dani says as Flora plucks more weeds. – “How’re they doing?” – She asks Jamie, feeling emboldened by her presence.

“Perfectly…” The gardener answers, clearly enjoying the view.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

She had to admit…she was impressed.

Clearly Dani was good at her job and knew how to handle the kids.

Mind you, Rebecca was also pretty good with them, but sometimes she had some trouble putting them in line. 

Jamie had brought her gloves along, thinking she might help them do their chore. But for now?

For now, sitting there at the garden relaxing with Hannah felt like good old times, before tragedy, before sadness, and before pain.

Not that she had much happiness in her own life. She had better periods, is all. 

Watching Dani tending to the garden, as she gossiped with Hannah, felt like one of those better periods. She even felt like messing with Owen when he arrived, asking if he found the au-pair too pretty.

The timing of her question had nothing to do with the fact that Dani had spotted Owen and waved back at him.

_Nothing._

“I’m just having a laugh” – Jamie defended herself, as Hannah chastised her for messing with Owen.

“I know.” – Hannah answered – “But that’s how it starts.” 

Jamie ignored the comment, and shortly after, Owen said he only had eyes for Hannah.

_Always the gentleman._

Well, it’s not as if Jamie had never noticed that Owen cared for Hannah before. But for some reason, it seemed as if they were stuck in the same place for a while now. As if…they knew they liked each other, but something was stopping them from reaching out.

 _Ah well_ \- Jamie thought, once again finding herself staring at Dani and admiring her figure - _She really is too pretty._


	3. Poppins

**JAMIE**

Hannah and Jamie had been relaxing in the garden for a couple of hours now. Dani and the kids had left for a while, and things were peaceful and uneventful. 

But the conversation was lacking, especially because Hannah kept zoning out.

_Blimey, she didn’t even have the gin and it looks like she's someplace else._

“Alright, I think I’m going to light a candle.” – Hannah said as she got up – “You don’t mind dear, do you?”

Jamie shook her head. 

Without Dani to look at and Hannah to talk to, she finished her cigarette and got up shortly after.

“Might as well get some work done this afternoon.” – Jamie said to no one. 

It was time to fix the crack on the kitchen’s wall.

She stopped at the storage by the greenhouse to fetch a couple of buckets and some caulk.

Doing this kind of handiwork was a nice change from the flowers. Mind you, she loved gardening, but there was something about fixing things that made her feel good about herself in a different way.

Jamie found herself shushing away mental images of the new au-pair working at the garden as she made her way to the main entrance, only to find Dani coming out abruptly and hiding herself behind one of the statues crying.

_Fuck me._

_Miles must’ve been a real prick this time._

-\\-

**DANI**

Who would’ve known that the most positive day she’d had so far in Bly Manor would’ve been the same day the kids were punished for their bad deeds?

Flora even cleaned up her room, and if that didn’t show signs of regret, what did?

But as soon as Dani approaches the young girl to thank her, Flora’s wearing Eddie’s glasses.

Dani feels her throat close as the child asks if she’s cross with her.

Dani couldn’t get a word out, and even if she did, it’d sound as anguished as she felt that very moment.

Dani simply shook her head.

Flora took the glasses out and promised she didn’t break them.

That’s when Dani begun feeling sorry for the kid. Of course she didn’t break them. 

“It’s fine…it’s fine!” – Dani says, her voice soft. 

The need to reassure the young girl momentarily overcame the building up of another anxiety attack. Dani knew the signs. It was coming. But she wasn’t alone, and she didn’t want to worry the kid.

She took the glasses from her and put them back on the bedside table.

“Excuse me a minute.” – Dani said, figuring she couldn’t control her nerves any longer. She was beginning to have serious trouble breathing.

Her body was tense as she went down the stairs as quick as she could without managing a full breath out. She thought she’d pass out right then right then in the middle of the hall, but she somehow managed to get outside in time.

The fresh air didn’t help as much she thought, but at least she could finally let out all the agony that had been constricting her insides in privacy now.

Or so she thought.

“You alright?” – Jamie’s voice asked from behind her.

_Crap!_

_Crap crap crap._

-\\-

**JAMIE**

Past Jamie would’ve probably ignored whatever was going on and keep business as usual.

But after seeing Dani deal with the kids just hours before, she knew something serious had to happen for her to get in this state. 

Or maybe, maybe she had ghosts of her own too. Everyone does.

“You alright?” – She ended up asking.

The au-pair’s body tenses even more after hearing her voice.

_Great. What now?_

She gave Dani some time to compose herself. Then, deciding she didn’t care to sound silly for a moment, she started talking of how she preferred plants over people, and ended up suggesting to kill the kids if they got too problematic.

_Seriously Jamie._

In the end though, it was worth it, because had she managed to get a laugh out of Dani.

The problem was that her laugh was adorable.

_Shite._

She kept talking against her better judgement, and ended up saying how many times a day she cries at Bly Manor. She might’ve exaggerated a bit, but that really wasn’t the point here.

“Look, you’re doing great.” – Jamie said, making sure to emphasize – “You’re doing great.”

“Thank you” – The au pair finally said. She seemed to be a little better already.

“Anytime.” – Jamie said, surprised to see she actually meant what she said.

This called her back to reality somehow. Here she was again, overstepping her own limits with people. 

_This really isn’t just because she has a pretty face anymore, huh._

“Right! Well…” – Jamie started, picking up the buckets – “Back to it then…Chin up, Poppins.”

The smile she got from Dani after that was probably when Jamie begun to acknowledge she really was in trouble with this one.

-\\-

DANI

_Poppins._

There was a cosy feeling about getting a nickname, and a British one at that. 

Dani was beginning to feel like the found a place here afterall.

She shared a smile with Jamie as she made her way back into the house, two precious little seconds that made her heart tighten again for a completely different reason.

_Oh no._


	4. Little shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learn that Jamie already knew Dani had been engaged but we never got that conversation so I thought it was fitting to include it here.

**DANI**

Just when Dani thought she had it together after the incident with Flora, Miles comes along and offers her a bouquet of roses as a peace offering.

At first the flowers seemed like a good enough gesture. Just a kid trying to be nice by emulating whatever romantic movie he might’ve seen on tv.

But then, as he whispered about his sister and Ms. Jessel, things got creepy. 

As he walks away, Dani is certain the kids are not really coping with grief, they are already deeply troubled by it.

Can she blame them though? The death of Eddie has forced Dani to be afraid of reflections and as a consequence of that, she tries to cover up most mirrors. And she’s an adult! These kids had to deal with grief twice and they’re so young.

Dani looks at the bouquet in her hands.

_Crap. Are these from the garden? They look freshly cut._

-\\-

**JAMIE**

“There was no crack on the wall, Hannah” – Jamie said, as she entered the chapel.

Mrs. Groves was on her usual spot by the candles. When she didn’t answer, Jamie walked closer to her. 

“Hannah.” 

Nothing.

“Oi, Hanna!”

She finally turned, acknowledging Jamie’s presence.

“Whatever’s the matter dear?” – She asked, looking up to Jamie.

The gardener took a second before answering, seizing Hannah up. 

_She looks lost again._

“There was no crack on the wall.” – Jamie’s voice was softer this way around. 

“Oh? Oh Jaime, I’m sorry dear. I guess I was wrong.”

Jaime sat down next to her.

After a few moments of silence, she found herself asking the same question she’d ask Dani moments before.

“Are you alright?”

“I suppose I just haven’t been sleeping so well. Must be that.”

Jamie acquiesced.

It seems as if no one was allowed a break on this house. The kids were the ones who were orphans and were practically abandoned by their uncle, yet here they were, the adults, having their own inner demons and barely getting by. It was as if the kids sorrow spread to everyone they came in contact with.

“You should go and rest. And eat something while you’re at it.” – Jaime suggested.

“I suppose I should, yes.”

“Well, that’s that then. I got to go. Almost time to leave you know.”

“Yes, see you tomorrow, Jamie dear.”

“’Till tomorrow, Hannah. Take care of yourself.”

With that, Jamie left the chapel, making her way back to the greenhouse, ready to call it a day.

-\\-

**DANI**

When she couldn’t find Jamie anywhere in the garden, she went looking for her at the greenhouse.

The door was open, indicating that Jamie probably still hadn’t left for the day.

When Dani got in there, an overwhelming feeling of peace took a hold of her. 

She looked around Jamie’s inner sanctuary, appreciating the flowers yet to be cared for, her tools scattered around the worktables, the sunlight filtering through the glass…her whole aura seemed to live there, and Dani couldn’t help but feel comfortable and at ease.

“What are you doin’ here, Poppins?”

Caught completely off guard, Dani turned quickly to face Jamie, who had just entered.

“Oh! Hi! I was uh, I was looking for you.”

“Sorry, but I think I’ve done my share of counselling today to be honest.” – Jamie said.  
  
“Oh, ah, no, it’s not that. It’s just, well, Miles he…” – Dani chastised herself mentally for not being able to talk properly - “Well, he gave me some roses as a way of saying sorry and uh, I think they’re from the garden so…”

“What!” – Jamie took off immediately, probably in the direction of the rose garden.

Dani followed suit. 

-\\-

**JAMIE**

She had to be honest, there were worse ways to end the day than finding a certain au-pair sneaking about the greenhouse.

But then Dani informed her that that little shit Miles had probably cut some roses from HER garden and she fucking lost it.

“The little shit.” – Jamie said out loud as she found the scene of the crime.

“Hey.” – Dani protested, though she herself was still worried about Miles behaviour.

“The little FUCKEN’ SHIT!”

“Hey, he’s just a kid!” 

“I’m gonna get him. I swear TO GOD!”

“No hey, they were just a few flowers.” – Dani said as she grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Ah! Sure! That’s fine then!” - Jamie retorted cynically.

“A little boy cut a few flowers what’s the big deal-“

“THEY WEREN’T.READY.TO.BE.CUT!”

Dani froze on the spot. 

She remembered that just a couple hours before she had also lost it because Flora was messing with her stuff too. 

“Look I just…I have a way of doin’ things, and I don’t like people messing about in my garden.” – Jamie’s voice was softer now.

“No. You’re right.” – Dani acknowledged, – “You’re right…I’ll talk to him.”

Jamie sighs.

“Of course.” She then said, getting a grip of herself and feeling ashamed by her outburst – “Look could we just…go back to the bit where ah…you were acting mental and I had to talk you down?”

Dani let out one of those adorable laughs again and Jamie couldn’t help but smile back at her.

_Blimey, it’s too late now. I’m falling, I’m falling hard._

-\\-

**DANI**

“Yeah, I was...kinda stressed out. Flora went through my things and uh. Well...it’s a long story really.”

When Jamie didn’t move, and was apparently all ears, Dani let out a long sigh and decided to share a little of her story.

“I- well, I was engaged once.” She said, and noticed right away how Jamie raised her eyebrows in surprise. She didn’t say anything though, so Dani continued:

“Yeah and uh, I’m not anymore. But well I found Flora using my ex-fiancées glasses and it freaked me out and- “

“Jesus, Poppins, why would you bring your ex-fiancées glasses all across the pond?”

“As I said, It’s uh, it’s a long story, maybe for another day.” Dani let out a small nervous laugh, but then relaxed as she recognized Jamie’s “I won’t ask” face.

“Of course. Some other day.” – Jamie said, letting Dani out of her misery.

The au-pair stood there, watching as Jamie started cleaning up the mess Miles left behind.

She was the first person she told about being engaged. It wasn’t Hannah, or Owen, who was a complete sweetheart, but it had been Jamie.

Dani bent down and started helping Jamie out, earning a small smile from her. Dani's heart skipped a beat. 

Her initial feeling really was right, she really felt like she could trust her. The gardener felt like some sort of kindred spirit, even if they only talked once or twice. If Jamie felt the same though, remained to be discovered. 

-\\-

**JAMIE**

Of course there had to be a catch. No beautiful woman would land on Bly Manor and not have a sketchy past.

Apparently, she had been engaged before and somehow things ended and she landed an ocean away looking for a new job.

Jamie couldn’t help but feel curious about Dani’s story. 

_What had ruined the engagement? Was she dumped? Did she dump the guy?_

But the real question here was, why did Jamie even care? 

Her little crush on the au-pair was beginning to turn into a real nuisance.


	5. Love vs Possession

**JAMIE**

It was an unusually quiet night at Bly. 

Close to the village's centre, in the flat above the discreet pub, Jamie was dozing off on her couch, a book almost slipping off her grasp.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” – She cursed as the telephone rang and the book fell to the floor.

Disgruntled but mostly worried, Jamie stretched her body to reach the offending object in the end table nearby.

“Yes, hello?” 

“Jamie? It’s Hannah, love.” – As soon as she heard the governess’s worried voice, Jamie’s sleepiness wore off.

“Hannah, what’s going on, is everything all right?”

Not even ten minutes later, Jamie was driving off in the direction of Bly Manor, cursing Peter Quint under her breath.

-\\- 

**DANI**

Maybe making a sweep of the manor’s grounds wasn’t the best idea after all.

She was cold, scared, and she had gotten lost twice already.

“SHIT!” – she yelled, as her flashlight unveiled Jaime in the middle of the night.

“JESUS!” – the gardener yelled back.

_Is that a gun?_

Jaime must’ve read her mind:

“Shot plenty of rats with it.” – She explained – “Wouldn’t mind adding Peter fucking Quint to the tally.”

The thought that pretty much everyone knew about this Peter guy and pushed the subject aside the first time she had talked about him was bothering her. 

_Was he really just a thief? I can't help but feel there's more to this story._

“You look down there yet?” – Jamie asked, nodding in the direction of the chapel.

Dani shook her head, and followed the gardener as she made her way to the old building.

-\\- 

**JAMIE**

It had certainly not been in Jamie’s plans to spend the night at Bly Manor.

In the end though, after the kids were asleep and Owen had found a decent but not overly expensive bottle of whiskey, Jamie decided to at least make herself comfortable, so she took off her shoes, got Hannah’s cup of whiskey and landed on the fancy couch by the fireplace.

Dani was sitting by Hannah’s side, a mix of worry and confusion in her face.

_Can’t really blame her, she thought she was getting a fancy job in the countryside and ended up inheriting a bunch of drama._

The group spent some time in the comfort of the warm living room theorizing about the reasons that would make Peter come back.

-/-

Later in the night, when the fireplace was beginning to dim, Owen got up and quietly announced he was going to the kitchen to drink some water. 

As Hannah seemed to be dozing off, Dani left the armchair and shyly made herself comfortable by Jamie's side.

Wanting to keep the conversation light, Jamie turned to her and said:

“Gotta admit, I could get used to this. Fancy fireplace, fancy drinks…but mostly…peaceful silence...” – she said, clearly referring to the sleeping kids.

“That’s what you get for renting a place above The Busy Hornet.” – Owen says as he comes back from the kitchen, trying to follow the conversation.

Dani sent an inquisitive look in Jamie’s direction.

“It’s Bly’s pub. I live right above it. It can get loud during weekends.” – Jamie clarified, looking at Dani.

“Ah.” The blonde woman nodded, a small smile dancing on her lips. 

“It’s not all bad. Comes in handy sometimes. If I ever feel like drinking more than what’s usually advised… I just need to…find a way upstairs.”

“Why do I have a feeling that has happened many times before?” – Owen said, wanting to rile Jamie up. Hannah’s head eventually found a way into this shoulder.

“You offend me, sir.” – Jamie said, with a fake expression of hurt.

They exchanged some more barbs between them, much to Dani’s enjoyment, until the fire finally gave in.

Moments had passed in peaceful silence and contemplation, and soon the living room was beginning to grow cold again.

Jamie stood up, found a blanket and offered it to Dani, who smiled in gratitude. 

The gardener observed as the au-pair made herself comfortable and warm. It didn't take long before she got hold of that damned picture of Peter and Rebecca and seemed lost in contemplation. She also looked incredibly lonely, despite her company.

_Is she thinking about her ex-fiancée?_

_Does she miss him, or does she just miss being with someone?_

_Did she even love him?_

God, how she wanted to know the full story. 

She just wished Dani would say yes, she had loved him, and she missed him, and she wished she was with him right now. 

Because then…then her brain would finally come to terms with the fact that she had to bury whatever feelings she had begun developing for the girl and put it to rest.

But until she knew for sure, it would be a persistent nagging in her heart.

Not wanting to give it more thought, and deciding it would be easier to just test the waters and get her answer, Jamie asked:

“Rather that was you curled up there?”

When she got Dani’s attention, she directed her gaze to Owen and Hannah.

Dani didn’t answer, preferring to observe the tender moment between the two.

“Every girl in the village is mad for him.” – Jamie quietly said - “He doesn’t even know it, which makes it even worse.” 

“They look like Bonnie and Clyde” – Dani said, resuming her thoughts on the polaroid, this time out loud.

The conversation inevitably turned into Peter and Rebecca’s poisonous relationship.

-\\-

**DANI**

“The wrong kind of love can fuck you up. Follow you, make you do some really stupid shit.”

Dani absorbed every word Jamie was saying, putting the pieces together in Peter and Rebecca’s relationship.

The gardener sighed heavily, and added:

“And those two, believe me…that was the wrong kind of love.”

Feeling like she, herself, experienced a wrong kind of love, Dani impulsively defended the couple in the picture:

“We’ve all been in the wrong kind of love for one reason or another.”

“Hm- but I saw how he twisted himself into her.” Jaime clarified; her tone unforgiving. “Burrowed in deep.”

Dani felt chills in the back of her neck.

“I know why some people mix up love and possession, but guess what that means? He didn’t just trap her. He trapped himself. And I hope she haunts that fucker forever.”

Dani’s mind was racing. 

She was also being haunted by her former lover. But did she deserve it?

She had felt nothing but love for Eddie. 

She had never done anything against him. On the contrary, she had done so much for him. 

She just wanted him to be happy, truly, but for that to happen, it couldn’t be with her.

Before Dani ended up thinking again on the reasons why her love for Eddie was not enough, which usually led her to a very dark and lonely place, she circled back to Jamie’s words, that were still hammering in the back of her mind.

“People do, don’t they? Mix love and possession.” – She whispered.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

“Yeah, they do.” – Jamie answered, not able to remove her eyes from Dani. 

“I don’t think that should be possible. I mean they’re opposites really, love and ownership.”

_She gets it._

“Yeah.” – Jamie softly answers, finding it hard to disguise her surprise.

When Jamie thought the tension was barely manageable, mostly due to their proximity and Dani’s erratic breathing, Hannah’s voice broke the moment:

“They really ought to be in bed”.

It was hard to hide the disappointment when Dani quickly reacted to Hannah’s command. Just like that, the moment was gone.

The good part, that Jamie didn't want to admit to herself yet, was that the au-pair had seemed as entranced as Jamie had been with her, judging by the way she was pulled back to reality.

In a way though, it was for the best. Whatever they felt just then? _Not a good idea._

The last thing Jaime needed was to entangle herself with the au-pair of all people. 

Past Jamie would roll her eyes hard at her. 

No, scratch that, she didn’t even have to go that far. She was currently chastising herself for even entertaining the idea of Dani actually feeling something too.

One thing she was sure of: she should never pursue her. The last thing she wanted was to actively look for trouble.

-\\-

**DANI**

Dani couldn’t take her eyes off Jamie.

She was being drawn into her space, the intensity of their words and proximity making her forget there were four more people in the room with them.

She had even entertained, for a second there, the thought of falling asleep not on Owen’s shoulder, but Jamie’s. 

“They really ought to be in bed”.

_Fuck._

“Oh! Yes. Yes, yes.” – She quickly said, jumping right up. Trying to get rid of the blanket was complicated, so she chuckled nervously, stealing some glances in Jamie’s direction.

“I’ll take them.” – Jamie offered, referring to the kids. She proceeded to pick Flora up, smiling as Dani said thank you.

“You’re the coolest” – Flora sleepily said to the gardener, as she took her in her arms.

_Yes._

Dani thought.

_She really is._


	6. I really like when you call me that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add some more missing moments, because a whole day went by between the "Love vs Possession" and "Who the hell knew" scenes, and we didn't get any interactions on screen except for the "shameless staring kitchen scene" and "story time".
> 
> Tell me what you think!

**DANI**

Dani laid awake in her bed, struggling with her thoughts once again.

Jamie had decided to crash on the couch for the night, and the thought that they were sleeping under the same roof comforted Dani but also made her restless.

She turned to her left side. The moon was peeking through the window and illuminating most of the room.

Her mind threw her back to the first time she decided to take control of her life: when she finally boarded the airplane to leave her home country 6 months ago.

The liberation was insane. It had been always difficult for Dani to make decisions for her own sake. 

But she had to start her life over someplace else. Being around Eddie’s mother was suffocating, as much as she loved her. 

Her own mother had been right. She was indeed running from something. 

Running from all of those years she had invested in someone only to have it all ruined in one day, in the most traumatic way possible. And the guilt. The guilt was slowly killing her.

And now, in this weird manor in the remote village of Bly, she was beginning to feel like she should take reigns of her life once again. And the main reason for that was Jaime. 

She took the decision to leave the United States, and now she wanted to take the decision to follow down this road of finding actual happiness with someone.

She didn’t need to know if she was gay or not - that was not something she was hanging on to. 

No. This wasn’t about some concept or label, or her apparent attraction to women.

It was about _finally…finally_ finding someone who made her feel alive, and suddenly being aware of how her heart could beat this fast in such a good way, especially after being dormant for so many years.

When she thought of Jamie now, she just wanted to let her know… _hey, I think I could easily fall in love with you. Is that crazy?_

She had loved before, but she had never fallen in love. And whatever she was feeling like now, it sure felt like falling. 

How else could she explain this overwhelming new sense of desperate longing she was feeling towards the other woman?

She found herself revisiting the moment she had just shared with Jamie at the corridor outside, until guilt paved its way into her again. 

-\\-

**JAMIE**

“You can have this blanket if you want.” 

Jamie and Dani were alone in the corridor upstairs, after having put the kids to bed. Hannah and Owen were already gone for the night.

Jamie considered the blanket that Dani was extending to her, but found that sleeping with a blanket smelling like Dani would be too much right now.

“Thanks, got a blanket of my own downstairs, so I’m already covered.”- Jamie answered, noticing her mistake right away.

Dani didn’t miss a beat:

“Jamie…was…was that a pun?” 

The gardener tried to hide a smile by lowering her head, but to no avail. 

As soon as she raised it back up, Dani had a huge-ass self-satisfied grin on her face. 

Jamie decided she liked it – and she wasn’t going to ruin it by saying the pun had actually been unintentional.

They stayed like that, staring at each other in some sort of mutual understanding of how they seemed to appreciate each other’s company.

_Pull yourself together, woman._

Jamie cleared her throat.

“Well! It’s getting late, you of all people should get some rest.” 

“Yes, you’re probably right.” – Dani said, turning to place her hand on the bedroom's doorknob. She then looked back to add: “I’m still telling Owen about your slip up." 

Jamie chuckled and shook her head in amused disbelief. _Is she actually flirting with me? ... Naaah._

“Good night...Poppins...” - Jamie intentionally dragged her words to emphasize her previous remark.

She turned her back, starting to walk down the corridor. When she made it halfway, Jamie looked back, assuming she'd find an empty corridor.

But Dani was still standing by the door, looking at her.

"I really like when you call me that." - The au-pair said sweetly, although loud enough for Jamie to hear.

"I know." Jamie said against her better judgement, her heart beating fast in her chest, begging for more space to grow. 

Dani smile's widened, and then she was gone. 

Jamie turned her back and went away, a stupid grin on her face. 

She wasn't sure if Dani was just being sweet because she felt lonely in this Manor, or if she was hinting at something else. 

Nevertheless, Jamie decided she would allow herself to cherish this moment, just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say sorry for the first readers of this chapter, because it has been edited! :x  
> I think it was for the best though.


	7. Who the hell knew?

**JAMIE**

Jamie woke up when the first rays of sunshine started to filter through the glass of the windows. 

She was an early riser most of the times, preferring to spend the first hours of the morning working in peace, before everybody else wakes up.

Jamie had spent most of her youth making wrong decisions, getting heavily drunk and committing petty crimes – and prison, even if only a short-lived chapter of her life, was not a peaceful place.

That is why working on the grounds of Bly Manor, despite all of its quirks and tragic backstory, gave her a sense of serenity and inner peace that she couldn’t find anywhere else. 

The vast property and its green acres had been a safe haven for her, and one of the main reasons she was able to put her life back on track.

It was a lonely and boring life now, but she liked it that way.

The gardener tossed the blanket aside and got up from the couch, ready for another day.

_But first, tea._

-\\-

She was surprised to find Dani at the kitchen so early, lost in thought as she sipped from a cup of tea.

“Morning.” – She said as she made her way to the sink.

“Hi! There’s uh- there’s tea if you want.” – the blonde woman offered.

Jamie took her time to answer, because she was washing her face. She dried herself with a clean cloth.

“Depends on who made it.” – Jamie quipped, throwing the cloth away. 

“I did. Nobody is up yet.”

“Then it’s a no. S’cuse me.” – She then proceeded to grab the kettle, ignoring Dani's protests.

Jamie then proceeded to empty its offending contents in the sink and start it all over again, properly.

“C'mmonnn...It wasn't that bad.”- Dani muttered, having got up to join Jamie by the counter to observe her methodology.

“I’m sorry Poppins, but there’s something wrong with your taste buds. Maybe see a doctor about it, I dunno.”

“That’s really funny.” – Dani sarcastically said.

“I know it is.” - Jamie retorted lightly - “That’s why I said it in the first place.”

Being busy with the kettle, Jamie couldn’t really look back at Dani to gauge her reaction.

But she could bet at least five quid that she probably rolled her eyes.

In reality though, Dani bit her lip and supressed a smile, wondering how in the hell she could feel like hitting and kissing someone at the same time.

“Good morning ladies.” – Owen said as he arrived, breaking the unspoken tension.

“Jesus. Everyone is an early riser all of a sudden.” – Jamie teased, turning around after putting the kettle on. Dani didn't move an inch and their close proximity by the counter felt natural and exciting at the same time.

“Aren’t you a grumpy one today.” – the tall man observed – “Dani, what have you done now?"

“Nothing!" The au-pair said defensely. She then stole a quick look at Jamie and added: "Well...I made some tea.”

She couldn't help but feel her cheeks blush. They were so close. Their hands were resting at the counter as support, and they were impossibly close. If she were to extend her pinky finger she'd definitely manage to...

“Ah. That was an easy mystery to solve.”- Owen commented.

The situation begged for Jamie and Dani to join Owen at the table, so that's what they did shortly after, as Jamie cleared her throat and motioned for Dani to go ahead and sit.

-\\-

The rest of the day was plenty weird. The kids were acting up again, and even the doctor had to be called for Flora.

All the worrying and fussing were such big distractions that when the sun set for the day, Jamie was actually shocked.

Not wanting to go away without checking in on Dani and the kids, she made her way to the back entrance.

“Mind if I join ya?” – Jamie asked.

Dani was sitting by herself at the kitchen again. The only difference was that now it was night time, and instead of a cup of tea she was holding the polaroid, deep in thought.

“Oh. Hi, of course not. Here.” – She grabbed the wine bottle and served Jamie a glass.

“Thanks.”

Jamie sat down nearby, realizing Dani was really someplace else mentally. If this day has been annoying for Jamie, she could only imagine how Dani felt, busy with the kids.

Before she had time to decide how she was going to start a conversation though (and admittedly, she might’ve lost some time just staring at her), the bloody phone rang again, and they were joined by Owen, Hannah and the kids shortly after.

-\\-

**DANI**

Dani’s heart broke for Owen, as she stood outside the manor by Jamie’s side.

She quietly observed as Hannah hugged him and whispered something in his ear, feeling hopeless.

Had he not stayed the night, maybe he could’ve been there for his mother in her last moments.

“I’m going to light a candle.” – Hannah said, as Owen drove away in his car.

The sound of the car’s wheels on the gravel dissipated gradually, a trail of dust still visible.

Dani snapped out of her anguished thoughts as Jamie begun walking towards her car. 

Coming to the realisation that Jamie was leaving too, Dani felt her heart tightening a bit more. 

_Don’t go._

_I’m so glad I have you in my life._

_Stay a bit longer._

“I’m so glad…you…stayed.” – Dani blurted out, without really meaning to. Jamie immediately tried to catch her eyes, but they had already snapped to the floor.

Eye contact was usually not a problem for Dani, but the intensity of Jamie’s stare had caught her off guard.

Had she crossed the line, forcing Jamie to tease her and leave, not bothering to give it a second thought?

“I am too.” – Jamie unexpectedly said in the sweetest voice.

Dani looked back up again, feeling slightly hopeful, trying to find confirmation in Jamie’s eyes.

She wasn't sure what she found in them, but it was so intense that it instinctively made her ache for a smile, a touch, a hug, a kiss. 

_Anything._

Was it curiosity, hope or longing, or everything combined? Whatever it was...against all odds and fears, against 20 years of living her life through other’s wills, she gathered the strenght to reach out for Jamie's hand and let her know she wanted her.

And it was surprisingly warm, and tender, and scary good.

Scary how Jamie looked down on their hands, and a hint of surprise was easily detected as she looked back up at Dani. 

Scary how her thumb just caressed Jamie’s hand as if it had done it multiple times before, and how Jamie’s hand seemed to tightly hang onto hers in response.

Scary how they seemed to gravitate inches closer, and the overwhelming feeling of kissing Jamie grew stronger by the second.

Scary how it seemed that Jamie wanted to kiss her, too.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

She didn’t want to leave that night.

A sense of protectiveness engulfed her. 

Protectiveness over Owen, who just left, over Hannah, over the kids.

_Over Dani._

But Jamie had to go. 

She’s been enjoying Dani’s company mostly with people around, and she was thankful for that. When she was left alone with her thoughts and just Dani, her mind lingered, hoped, yearned.

She slowly walked towards her jeep, feeling Dani’s nervous presence following her.

Thankfully, for a change, now was not the moment to talk. 

It was a sombre moment for everyone, and it would be wrong to even send one of her usual quips to lighten the mood.

“I’m so glad…you…stayed…” 

Jamie felt her heart jump in its place, hopeful and surprised at Dani’s words.

Her plans had been not to pursue Dani, at all costs.

But she hadn’t though of a plan of how to respond to Dani _actually pursuing her._

Was this an advance though? Or was she just scared to be left alone at Bly?

_No, fuck that. This is the same person who went to do a night sweep with a fire poker by herself. ___

__“I am too.”_ _

__As she turned and captured Dani’s stare, she was all in._ _

__No funny remarks, no cocky expressions, nothing._ _

__She was there in her rawest and most vulnerable form, waiting for her, eager for her._ _

__Moments passed with Jamie happily getting lost in the au-pair’s sorrowful eyes._ _

__Until she felt her grabbing her hand._ _

__If she needed any kind of confirmation, this was it._ _

__Dani was stroking her hand._ _

__Dani liked her._ _

___Dani._ _ _

__-\\-_ _

__The moment was gone too soon, but not entirely lost._ _

__Even if Dani had let go of her hand, it still happened. She might not be ready now, but she was ready enough._ _

__It might’ve been little and insignificant for some, but for her and Dani, it meant everything._ _

__“Who the hell knew?” – She said in pure wonder, as she got in the car._ _

_Dani liked her back._


	8. Blimey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise rating change!

**JAMIE**

It was a good thing that Jamie had driven back home to Bly countless times before.

Her arms were well trained, taking care of the wheel, as her mind and heart raced through what had just happened.

She couldn’t help but laugh, marvelled by everything that Dani was.

There was Jamie, minding her own business at the gardens of Bly, trying to forget the whole Rebecca and Peter tragedy, when Dani landed as a substitute a mere half a year later.

Jamie had tried to mostly keep to herself, not very eager to get to know yet another au-pair after all that had happened before. But Dani was quick to pull her in, with her easy smile, dorky laugh and no-nonsense attitude around the kids.

Dani had surprised her with her words when they had talked about love and possession, cozied up at the living room’s couch. 

She surprised Jamie again when she told her she liked it when she called her Poppins. 

And she had surprised her now, when she nervously held her hand, trying to tell her something without really saying anything. 

Dani had wanted be subtle, but not to the point of being misunderstood. Her gesture was sweet, desperate, full of promises, intense.

And just like that, with that tiny gesture and many other small moments in the span of just a couple of weeks, she easily managed to conquer Jamie’s heart.

-\\-

 **DANI**

Sleeping at Bly was gradually becoming harder and harder.

The closest Dani felt to Jamie, the most intense Eddie’s ghost became.

Getting to know her was both a blessing and a curse. 

She was a kindled spirit that made her laugh and feel jittery with nerves after too many seconds of silence between them. The moments she had with the gardener had been highly anticipated lately, but after all the fanfare, came the regret in the form of Eddie’s shadow.

But Dani couldn’t let go of Jamie, even if it brought her immense pain after every interaction.

Whatever she was feeling was too strong now, and she so desperately wanted to explore where it would lead. 

This wasn’t just a ridiculous blush she would occasionally feel whenever a pretty woman crossed paths with her. 

This was stronger than anything she had ever felt in her whole life. And it was so painfully obvious that she should live it, instead of running away from it. 

_No. I won't run away this time._

She let her mind wander back to the moment she had held Jamie’s hand, and how she had looked at her in a way that made Dani want to do a lot of things she never thought she’d ever feel like doing.

And just like that, her brain got stuck on a loop of fantasy energized by yearning and lust. Dani desperately wanted to do something physically about it, but the mere thought of Eddie appearing again evaporated all chances of that ever happening in the near future.

Repressed, frustrated and in emotional pain, Dani still made her best to fall asleep that night, with the hope that the sooner she slept, the sooner she’d wake up and see Jamie again.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

“Fuck.” Jamie sighed, as small beads of sweat ran down her chest and her body begun to relax after small convulsions took over her a few seconds before.

She wasn’t particularly proud of herself, having in mind the overall somber situation Owen was in, but it was that or not sleeping at all that night.

It's been a couple of hours since she arrived at her flat, and the amount of time that Jamie spent thinking about Dani was beyond absurd, especially now that they had unlocked the mystery of whatever was going on between them. The possibility of the impossible lit all of her body on fire, her mind barely keeping up. And If Jamie wanted to be around Dani without making a fool of herself, she might as well have some control over her emotions.

And that’s precisely what she did that night, as she lay in her bed half-naked.

“Shit.”

Letting out one last long breath, Jamie turned sideways and fell asleep shortly after, with a tentative yet hopeful smile on her face.

-\\-

 **DANI**

It was ironic how Dani thought she’d never need a funeral dress for her overseas adventure. Now she was stuck in an awkward situation and not knowing what to do about it.

Dani looked down, wondering how unfit for a funeral the only black dress she had really was.

Jamie had called in early in the morning, saying she’d pick Hannah and Dani around 3pm.

“See you soon, Poppins.” – Jamie’s tone sounded more like a promise rather than a goodbye.

“See ya.” – Dani had answered, clinging to the phone and playing with its cord, probably looking like a silly teenager.

Not wanting to go to the funeral but wanting to be there for Owen, Dani couldn’t say anything against Jamie assuming she’d be there for him, so here she was in her bedroom, many hours later, trying on a less-than-adequate dress for the event.

Dani heard someone knocking on the door, and then the voice she had missed during the night asking:

“You decent?”

Her nervousness levels spiked as she told Jamie to come in.

“Oh!” – She exclaimed as Jamie peaked through the door, all dressed up. Dani didn’t notice how a small timid smile escaped Jamie’s lip as she took her in.

“You look…” – Dani wanted to complete the sentence as her smile widened but Jamie was quick to finish the sentence for her:

“I can scrub up when I need to. Funeral starts at four. Owen said we should get there early.” – Jamie said, licking her lips as she eyed Dani up and down.

“Okay.” Dani agreed, still taking her in.

“It’s a…” – Jamie cleared her throat as she sat down by the bed and stared at Dani’s legs – “It’s quite a dress.”

“Yeah, it’s the only thing I had in black.” – Dani looked down, feeling dejected – “I- I hate it.”

“Does look a bit like you’re trying to scandalize the village.” – Jamie said, trying to tear her eyes from Dani’s body and look up to her – “Can’t say I fault the general principle.” 

“I just don’t want to let Owen down.”

“He won’t mind. Honestly. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” – Jamie’s words gave the hope of relief to Dani.

“Really?” – She asked.

“He said as much. Was pretty clear.”

“Okay. Yeah.” – Completely relieved at the information, Dani sighed and got her hair out of her face. “That’s a relief, actually. I hum, I had a funeral in my own life. Not so long ago. And I feel like this is…hum.”

It took a second for Dani to notice that Jamie had gotten up and was dangerously close to her now, with a reassuring smile. She let go of her hair and held her own hands in front of her chest, as a way of grasping something to control her nervousness.

“Hey…Poppins. It’s your day off. I promise, I don’t need you to be my date to Owen’s mum’s funeral.”

Partially relieved but also anxious at Jamie’s choice of words, Dani closed her eyes and chuckled nervously.

“Okay” - She said, quickly glancing at Jamie’s lips – “Okay.” She said more nervously now, at their close proximity, finding that she had to add something else or they’d fall into a dangerous moment of silence. “Then, can you help me get this thing off?”

“Blimey.” Jamie said, looking away as she cleared her throat.

Dani enjoyed the playful tone, her laugh more natural and relaxed now.

“No, seriously.” – She insisted with the biggest smile on her face.

Jamie smiled too, and for a couple of brief seconds, everything was all right in the world again.

“The uh-zipper…”

“Right.” 

“Thank you.” – Dani said, feeling Jamie’s deft hands gently pushing the zipper down.

Inevitably, as she turned her head to the mirror, she saw Edmund’s reflection as a stark reminder of her guilt.

She gasped; she couldn’t help it. Every time she was hopeful things were going smoothly, she kept being hit with a brick.

Jamie was quick to react, asking if she had pinched her.

“No, I’m sorry.”

Jamie’s eyes were searching for a clearer answer but she refrained to vocalize it, respecting Dani’s space.

“All right. Well, I’ll be back in a few hours.” Jamie informed her.

“Okay.”

“And if I find out you have not been relaxing, there’ll be serious consequences.”

There she was again, catching her off guard and stealing yet another laugh from her.

Jamie smiled as she closed the door behind her, and even if Dani smiled back, as soon as the gardener left, she felt miserable again.

So far Edmund had only appeared when she was by herself. And Dani could deal with that. So far, her inner demons were hers and hers only to deal with.

But now, the thought that he’d appear again when she would be enjoying Jamie’s presence was painfully tugging at Dani’s heart. 

_That’s not fair._

-\\-

**JAMIE**

Jamie couldn’t help but smile as she saw Dani, standing in the middle of her bedroom, with her tousled hair, sulking and wearing a not-so-appropriate dress.

_How can someone look so effortlessly stunning?_

As she interacted with her, trying to keep things light, she immediately deduced that while Jamie had a great night’s sleep, Dani clearly did not. She looked exhausted.

Part of Jamie was relieved that the reason for that was the funeral, and not whatever happened between them last night. Apparently Dani had a big loss in her own life, so she let Dani off her hook and let her know she didn’t need to go with her to Bly that afternoon.

Jamie’s mind was racing, wondering if this had anything to do with her ex-fiancée. But this was not the time for such thoughts, and the duty to make Dani laugh was more pressing now.

Even after she flinched as she carefully pulled the zipper down, Jamie tried to respect Dani’s boundaries and fears. The last thing she wanted was to push Dani away. 

She was clearly dealing with something internally - and while Jamie couldn't know if it was gay panic, her troubled past, or probably both, it was not the right time to ask her about it.

_There are other times, and there will be other times._


	9. Weird little family

**JAMIE**

Jamie spent most of the funeral within a respectful distance from Owen. His extended family had found their way to Bly in order to pay their respects to his mother, and Jamie thought it best to be in his orbit but far enough to grant him and his family some space. 

It’s not as if they were the closest of friends.

They… _well._

_They were friends._

_A kind of family even._

Both Hannah and Owen knew of Jamie’s past troubles. The personal sharing flowed pretty naturally between them, because after a couple of months working together, Jamie was sure they were not the judgemental type. 

It’s actually funny how all three of them, with different backgrounds and completely different stories, just…stuck together really well.  
Peter came and went. 

Rebecca came and went. 

Henry rarely came at all.

But them three, they stayed. _They lingered._

It was a quiet, comfortable balance that, Jamie thought, would surely be disrupted as soon as the new au pair arrived.

Mind you, Jamie knew Hannah could use the break – she had needed someone to take care of the kids while she took care of the house. But Jamie had grown to love their little dynamic, with no fuss, no drama. Just the occasional teasing or terrible pun over lunch.

In the end, curiously enough, Dani settled in just fine, and became part of their weird little family.  
Not that Jamie didn’t have her doubts at first. 

The new au-pair was really, _really pretty._

Would Owen stop caring for Hannah and direct his attention to Dani? 

Jamie couldn’t really blame him if he did.

But when her previous suspicions came to be true, that Owen and Hannah really had something deeper going on, she relaxed a bit.  
Would Dani come to like Owen though?

She had to know. _She tried to know._

And what she found out was that Dani actually liked her. 

Jamie, the gardener, of all people.

Owen was the eligible bachelor at Bly, not Jamie.

 _Jamie had baggage._

Dani didn’t know that, not yet. 

If something were to happen between them, Jamie would have to tell her about her past as soon as possible. Tell her about her screwed up family. About her lack of trust and energy to invest in people. 

That way, if Dani wanted out of Jamie’s mess, it would be early in the game. There would be no space for disappointment. No fuss, no drama. No hard feelings. 

At least for Dani that is.

Because regarding herself…well, that would be a whole different story, because…well, because Jamie had already fallen quite hard for the au-pair. 

She fell hopelessly, once, when they were sitting together talking about love and possession.

She stumbled again when Dani dared to say she liked her nickname.

She was still falling - more hopeful, now - after Dani had nervously grabbed her hand.

For Jamie, it was too late now. _This really has the potential to hurt like a motherfucker._

But it was worth the try.

-\\-

It was only half an hour through the ceremony that Owen seemed to looked around and acknowledge he wasn’t alone at the cemetery, taking in the pack of people who were nearby him. 

Jamie nodded discreetly when their eyes met, and detected a glimpse of gratitude in his eyes.

 _Yes._

_Weird little family indeed_ \- Jamie thought, her heart bleeding silently for her friend.

-\\-

Jamie decided she wanted to go back to Bly after the funeral. 

There wasn’t much work to be done, especially since she had taken the day off…but she felt cold, and sorrowful, and her comfortable little flat above the pub didn’t seem as appetizing as it usually was. 

Before leaving town, Jamie stopped by the pub to make a quick phone call to Bly Manor, asking Hannah if she could have dinner with them.

She rarely did this: go back to Bly without intention to work.

In fact, it might be the very first time. 

Jamie felt, for the first time in many years, the need to be with people. Not just people, but her people.

And a part of her had a feeling that Owen would end up doing just the same.

-\\- 

On her drive back to Bly Manor, Jamie mentally replayed her previous conversations with Dani, and she came to the conclusion that it was definitely her ex-fiancée who might’ve died.

It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together: the glasses she knew that belonged to him, the fact that Dani left America to come to London and restart her life, and how funerals seemed to affect her as if someone really close to her had died before.

Of course, the implication that Dani had been engaged before did intrigue the hell out of Jamie.

It was something that had surprised her back then. Dani Clayton, who looked so prim and proper and looked like the perfect daughter-in-law, actually came from a broken engagement.

It did explain her overall nervousness though, and how sometimes her eyes were full of sorrow when she thought nobody was looking.

It did also explain Jamie’s surprise when Dani showed interest in her.

Jamie, who didn’t like people who were judgemental, had been judgemental herself.

-\\-

**DANI**

“This is a lot of food for just the four of us, Hannah.” 

Dani, Hannah and the kids were peeling potatoes for dinner, and the quantity of ingredients indicated they’d have guests tonight. 

Dani could only hope that meant Jamie would join them later.

“Yes, you’re right, dear. Jamie has the day off but she called earlier and asked if she could join us for dinner.” – Hannah answered.

“Ok!” – Dani’s heart was now suddenly heavy and awake. 

“I thought you said we were making our favourite for dinner.” – Flora observed.

“Hm, I didn’t say it was your favourite. It’s Owen’s favourite.” 

“But Owen isn’t here.” – Flora protested.

Hannah smiled, ignoring the little one.

Dani could only guess Owen would be coming back to the manor, too, but Hannah didn’t say so it’d be a surprise for the kids.

“Hey, you lot.” – said a voice coming from the kitchen’s entrance.

Dani’s heart jumped as she raised her eyes and saw Jamie still in her funeral outfit.

She really looked dashing. That was what she had wanted to say back in her bedroom this morning.

“Hello!” – Flora greeted.

Dani found herself smiling, despite the occasion. Just the sight of Jamie was enough to cheer her up and ramp up her nerves in excitement.

“How was it?” – Hannah asked.

“Oh, you know, just a barrel of laughs.” – Jamie answered as she picked a chair from the table and placed it nearby them. “Any chance for a brew?”

“Yeah. “Dani whispered, momentarily lost in thought. “I’ll make tea.”

“NO!” – Jamie and Hannah protested. “I’ll make it.” – Hannah offered, then asked: “Can you make sure these two don’t chop their fingers off?”

Dani agreed and chuckled, not offended anymore that she was crap at hot beverages. 

As Hannah and Jamie discussed Owen’s situation and his mother’s condition, Dani couldn’t help but steal some glances at Jamie. They had agreed before in matters of love and possession, and she found herself agreeing with her again in terms of life and fading away. She had that feeling again, of already knowing this woman she just got to meet a couple weeks ago. How was this even possible? She must be crazy, for sure.

But then again, Jamie hadn’t run away from her. If anything, she stayed, curious for more. And the mere thought of having more of Jamie in her life was enough to make her knees weak.

Many seconds must’ve passed in complete silence, because Dani had been staring at Jamie long enough to be caught while doing it. Jamie smiled in a way that always managed to send a jolt to Dani’s heart. She proceeded to chuckle and that’s when Dani decided to snap out of it. 

_Get a grip of yourself, Danielle._

She stole another glance at Jamie as she took the potatoes to the kitchen sink, wondering if Jamie had found her amusing in a bad or a good way. While she thought Jamie had gotten the message the night before, there was still a lot of unspoken feelings to be dealt with, and insecurity took the best of her this time around. What she found was that Jamie was still staring, still smiling. Her heart tightened a bit more.

A few seconds later, as she was washing the potatoes, she decided to risk it again.

She gathered enough courage to look back at the table., to confirm what she'd seen in Jamie's smile.

What she learned was that Jamie’s cup of tea was still sitting by her hand, ignored, because she was still staring at Dani, though her smile was less obvious now. Jamie’s eyes were more serious, reflecting the intensity they had the night before.

_Fuck._

She felt herself blush.

And as she permitted herself yet another feeling of momentary happiness and giddiness, Eddie’s ghost came back to remind her: “the closer you get to her, the harder I’ll follow you”.

She dropped the potatoes, taking some time to register Jamie’s question: "Poppins, you all right?" Dani tried her best to contain her nervousness and hide it from her voice, but to no avail. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” – “I need a…I need a minute.”

With that, Dani left the kitchen hurriedly, avoiding eye contact.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

_Blimey._

Was all that Jamie thought as Dani left the kitchen, just seconds ago.

“You know, that’s the second time she asks for a minute, and she rarely ever comes back after that.” – Flora observed.

Hannah said nothing about that, but Jamie took it as a hint. The last time she saw Dani this nervous, it was after Flora had found those glasses Dani had talked about, and Jamie found her crying outside.

She’d like to think Dani’s panic attack had nothing to do with her, but the timing was very weird. There was only one way to find out.

“I’m going to check up on her.” – Jamie said to the children and Hannah, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute for me too.  
> Sorry, life happened, as usual.  
> Next chapters are already named and planned out, hoping I take less time to update now.


	10. Think I'm crazy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, this was a tough one.  
> Hope you like it!  
> More to come, soon.

-\\-

DANI

She was sure she was going crazy now.

Between thinking she saw Peter Quint, to almost stabbing Owen with a fire poker, there really was no way to explain her behaviour. 

She had to tell the truth to someone.

When would be the right moment though? They were all in mourning at Bly Manor – and Dani felt like it’d be selfish of her to even dare share her burdens when someone else was in more pain right now. 

No – she had to hold on a bit longer, even if it meant that Owen, Hannah and Jamie would think she was a lunatic.

They were all at the kitchen having dinner – after the fire poker incident; Jamie was serving wine to everyone and Dani did all she could to not stare at her, as past memories flashed through her mind, reminding her of the first moment she thought she couldn’t really marry Eddie – when the seamstress had been flirty with her as she tried her wedding dress on.

Whatever she had felt back then was severely amplified whenever Jamie was in her orbit. This was partly because, well, this was Jamie - someone who quickly occupied a big part of Dani’s heart and brain these past weeks, and partly because, well, she was no longer engaged, and she felt she had the right to at least feel something. 

_To want someone._

Jamie had just finished pouring wine in her glass when Dani’s hand automatically went for it, hoping it’d help ease her sorrows. 

Her senses were overloaded with Jamie’s movements, even the slightest ones. 

They were a good distraction for her troubling thoughts, but Dani still avoided eye contact, for fear of Eddie’s ghost appearing again and freaking her out in front of everyone.

-\\-

JAMIE

Later that night, after Miles had misbehaved, Dani was upstairs checking on the kids while Owen, Jamie and Hannah were taking care of the dishes back in the kitchen.

Jamie was collecting the kitchenware, Owen was doing the washing, and Hannah was in charge of the drying. 

“So, are we going to talk about Dani?” – Jamie asked, as she carried dirty dishes and glasses back and forth from the table to the kitchen counter.

“She does look out of sorts today, poor thing.” – Hannah commented.

“I must admit, it was not the first time I was physically threatened by a nanny before. I was quite the rascal back when I was a kid.” – Owen joked, as he passed a dish to Hannah.

“She was engaged, did you know that?” – Jamie asked, leaning against the counter nearby Owen, alert to both her friend’s reactions.

“No…really?” – Hannah asked, a hint of surprise and curiosity in her eyes.

“Now, that is something I did not expect.” – Owen commented.

“Yeah, well, I have a feeling her fiancée died. I might be wrong.” – Jamie said, her tone low. She scratched her head and ruffled her hair a bit, something she did whenever she was thinking out loud – “Hopefully I’m wrong.” – she added shortly after.

Silent shock took over the kitchen, with each one of them processing the information that had just been shared. The dishes were momentarily forgotten.

“You know, perhaps we should stay a bit longer tonight. We could build a proper bonfire, open a few more bottles of wine…” – Owen suggested, looking at Jamie and Hannah for approval.

They all agreed to it immediately, finishing up the washing and starting to gather everything they’d need outside.

-\\-

DANI

After having taken care of Miles and Flora, Dani left them in their respective bedrooms and starting making her way back downstairs. 

She was hoping that Owen, Hannah and Jamie were still in the kitchen drinking wine, because she really needed the company.

What she found was even better: Jamie, waiting for her at the entrance hall.

“We’re all outside.” – The gardener said when Dani got close enough – “And you’re joining us.” – she added, as she held out Dani’s coat.

“Hm.” – Dani hummed in approval, happy that they were indeed staying longer tonight.

She turned around and let herself be embraced by her own coat in Jamie’s hands.

The gesture was small but comforting. 

She felt Jamie’s hands roam down her arms and held her breath.

The contrast between Eddie’s chilling presence just a few hours ago and Jamie’s warm touch was staggering. 

Jamie’s left hand eventually reached Dani’s right and deftly took it in her own.

“C’mon Poppins.” – The gardener’s voice was gentle but firm. 

Dani found herself gladly obeying, the thrill of being conducted by Jamie tightening her chest.

She was, for once, happy that it was dark outside so that it’d be hard for Jamie to notice her gradually reddening face. 

Dani’s heart was also thumping hard in her chest, as if screaming at how new and scary this all felt. Her brain though, her brain was confused at how familiar and natural it also felt at the same time. Their intertwined fingers made so much sense that it felt as if they had always been intended to stay together like that.

She stayed quiet and silent as they walked together, trying to contain her excitement - the more anxious she got with Jamie, the faster Eddie would appear.

A hint of light caught her attention, and she could see and hear that a fire had been lit nearby the greenhouse.

Jamie let Dani out of her misery and as soon as they were in eyesight of Owen and Hannah, she let go of Dani’s hand, guiding her with a hand in her lower back instead.

Dani smiled nervously at the couple already sitting by the fire, and found a place near Jamie to sit down. 

The atmosphere was warm and comfortable, but now that Dani’s hand was abandoned, she could barely enjoy it. 

She found the way for a bottle of wine and adjusted the blanket around her legs, tucking them in as if it'd help her brace for the guilt that was lingering back into her mind.

-\\-

JAMIE

Jamie could feel Dani’s misery as Owen spoke about his mother. 

She had tried to make her talk a couple minutes before, but since all Dani did was drink and stay silent, Jamie took the opportunity to try and make her feel better by saying she was grateful Dani was there at Bly with them.

But Dani was not there with them. She was someplace else, still hanging on to her secrets as if she was afraid that they’d come out of her mouth without her consent.

Jamie was not one to press, or insist, when someone was clearly not comfortable to talk about their problems. But Jamie was also perceptive, and she knew Dani probably thought her problems were not the priority right then, right there. Owen came first.

Jamie also knew that if Dani went on another day like that, she’d probably snap. 

_Fuck it._

“Hey. Poppins.” – Jamie whispered, as she leaned towards Dani. Owen and Hannah were talking calmly a few feet apart from them.

Dani diverted her eyes from the wine bottle and focused on Jamie, their faces very close.

“How ‘bout we go for a walk? Let Owen and Hannah huh…be by themselves for a little while.” – Jamie nodded in the general direction where the pair was sitting.

Dani seemed to understand what Jamie was implying.

“I…yes. Sure. Yes.” – Dani chuckled and rose, holding tight to her blanket.

Jamie took her wine bottle, turning back to her friends.

“We’ll be right back.” - She said.

Owen winked at Jamie, and Hannah smiled, adding:

“Okay love.”

-\\-

DANI

Dani directed herself away from the bonfire, following Jamie into the Greenhouse. 

The gardener made herself comfortable at the garden bench inside, patting the empty spot by her side.

Dani sat down, nervous and cold, immediately accepting Jamie’s offer of more wine.

“I’m not going to ask if you’re alright, because I don’t like being lied to.” – she heard Jamie say.

Dani drank more wine than she could handle, and made a valiant effort to gulp it down without coughing. 

It’s now or never – she thought. 

“So, what’s wrong?” – Jamie asked.

If Dani was going to open herself up, it has to be here, it has to be now. 

With Jamie. _Because of Jamie._

“I thought I saw…Peter Quint.” – She finally said.

“But it wasn’t?” – Jamie asked, curious but controlled.

“No, of course not.” – Dani immediately confirmed.

Silence fell upon them, the distant crackling of the bonfire the only thing reminding them of where they were.

Dani didn’t feel pressured to say anything. She knew Jamie would wait minutes, hours, if needed. And that’s probably what made it easier for her to let words eventually come out of her mouth.

“It’s not…the first time...I’ve…seen things that…aren’t there.”

-\\-

JAMIE

“So, what else?” – Jamie asked, letting Dani know she wasn’t going anywhere just because she was seeing things.

“Well…” – Dani started, finally raising her eyes and meeting Jamie’s for the first time in minutes. 

“I, uh, I…” – The au-pair decided to put the bottle of wine on the floor, bracing herself for what was about to come. – “Guess I... told you about my fiancé, earlier, didn’t I?”

“Oh, you did…” – Jamie confirmed. 

Her suspicions seemed to be on the right track. 

“Yeah…I was uh…hoping we’d uh…get round to that one.” – She added, shifting her position on the bench, so that she’d properly face Dani as she talked.

“Yeah.” – Dani agreed, stealing a quick glance at Jamie.

“We were…we were engaged. And he…he died.”

_Shit._

This was one of the few moments in Jamie’s life that she had dreaded to be right about something.

“He died and I…I sometimes…I…it’s like I…”

Jamie held her breath as Dani took her time finding the right words.

“I see him.” – She said.

_Oh no, Dani…_

The au-pair slowly turned her head, anticipation for Jamie’s reaction very obvious in her eyes.

Jamie hoped her face showed anything but sympathy for her.

“I’ve never told anybody that.” – Dani admitted.

Jamie shook her head, barely imagining what Dani had been through these past few months.

“I’m…so, so, sorry.” – She said, shifting closer to the au-pair.

“We were about to break up.” – Dani further explained.

Jamie did not expect further details, but she was glad Dani felt at ease to do so. 

The fact that the relationship had not been perfect was relevant. 

_Was Dani unhappy with him then?_

“We uh…I’d broken…We had broken up.” – It was as if she was still trying to make sure of what happened - “I’d broken up, I guess.” 

“Right before…” – Dani continued, looking directly at Jamie now, sorrow pouring out of her eyes – “I mean, right…right before.”

_Blimey. She needn't say more._

“Jesus Dani, the same day?” - She asked, honestly shocked.

Dani nodded. “Yeah.” 

_The amount of guilt she must be feeling. Jesus fucking Christ._

Jamie felt the inevitable need to try and lighten Dani up, even if just a little bit.

“Is he here now?” She asked, knowing full well what she was going to say – it would the same, regardless of the answer.

-\\-

DANI

Dani was surprised by Jamie’s question, but went along with it. She looked around carefully, afraid of what could happen.

“No.” – She said, sighing in relief. It was the first time she felt remotely safe in a long time.

“Good.” – Dani heard Jamie say.

It wasn’t really what she said that had surprised Dani, but the tone. That confident, annoyingly charming tone.

“’Cause you know…I’ll sort him out for you if I have to.” 

_What…?_

“Oi. Dead boyfriend! Give it up mate! It’s over!”

It was impossible not to smile. 

Dani felt a mix of adoration and incredulity towards the gardener. 

She wasn’t creeped out.

She wasn’t pushing her away.

If anything, she was… _oh, she is just amazing._

And she was smiling back.

“Seriously Poppins, how are you still standing?”

It was gradually harder to be this close to Jamie, but Dani still managed to answer with a question, her voice barely above a whisper:

“Think I’m crazy?”

“I think you’re surprisingly sane, considering.”

The answer had come so quick that Dani had no other option but to believe her. 

When Jamie talked again, Dani’s eyes landed on her lips. 

A wave of relief had washed over her, letting other emotions come to the surface with a new found freedom.

-\\-

JAMIE

Jamie was relieved that Dani had confided in her. This was one big step forward in trying to help her cope with everything that had happened to her. It was clear she’d been building up her guilt into drastic levels of anxiety.

After making her smile, all Jamie could do is tell her that she gets it, she knows what it feels like, to lose someone so close to her and thinking the fault was hers.

“Look…” - Jamie was ready to let Dani know about her past too, and this was probably the best time for it, before things got too serious and they got hurt in the process. 

“I know what it feels like, to feel like you can’t…” - Jamie made the slightest pause, noticing that Dani was inclining dangerously towards her.

_Dani what are you doing?_

“Find your- “

Dani’s wet lips collided with Jamie’s.

_Oh, my god._

The way that Dani was clinging to her and holding onto their kiss literally took Jamie’s breath away. 

She managed to raise her hand to Dani’s face, ever so gently, to break the kiss.

“You sure?” – Jaime asked, not knowing how she’d cope if Dani said no.

Dani looked around, slowly, as if searching for something.

Whatever it was, she didn’t find it.

“Yes.” – She finally said.

And that’s all that Jamie needed.

“Thank fuck.” – She swore, not even trying to hide her happiness and relief.

Dani heard her, which resulted in both of them laughing into their second kiss. But as soon as their mouths were connected again, the smiles were gone, and weeks of built-up need and want finally exploded.

They were hanging for dear life, Jamie’s left hand on Dani’s beautiful hair, her other hand grabbing Dani’s coat and pulling her even closer. 

It seemed as if even a centimetre between them was too much free space, and Dani agreed, grabbing her waist, leaning in, and teasing Jamie with her tongue.

It was then that Jamie mentally thanked whatever God might be closer, whichever God might be passing near Bly this very moment, thanking him deeply for putting Dani Clayton in her life. 

But suddenly, just miliseconds before Jamie was about to let out some sort of undignified noise because of the things Dani was doing to her, she was being pushed away. 

“Okay…” – Jamie said, putting some space between, trying not to look too disappointed.

_It did feel too good to be true._

She cleaned her mouth and adjusted her coat, regaining her composure.

“Right…so…” – _This is awkward. Shit._

“I don’t know what to s….I don’t know what to say.” – Was all Dani offered.

It was Jamie’s turn to avoid eye contact. She felt dejected and blamed herself for having indulged, instead of playing it safe, of keeping her distance.

“It’s my fault…I’m sorry.” – Jamie begun grabbing her blanket – “I’m sorry, just…”

“Jamie…” – Dani called, trying to explain herself.

But Jamie couldn’t do this. She was already sure of one thing: 

Dani needed to sort her things out first.

“You were just telling me. Literally telling me you weren’t up for this.”

She felt Dani place her hands on her, but it was too late. 

Jamie was deeply convinced this had been too much for Dani. 

And the last thing she wanted was for her to start avoiding her and things being awkward between them. 

No, she had to put up a brave face and shrug it off.

“Just…let’s…let’s get back.” – She said, slipping away from Dani’s grasp.

She could see that Dani didn’t want to finish things like this, but it didn’t matter. 

Whatever was going on between them, it had to wait until Dani was ready.

_She might change her mind._

_She might be confused._

_She might not even…Christ._

Jamie had to go.

“Uh…another night maybe. Another time…maybe.”

And with that, Jamie left, shaking her head, blaming herself for everything that had just happened.

She was also chastising herself because, even if whatever happened was rushed, messy, and ended in a bad note, she was nevertheless thinking back of how Dani had felt in her arms, how soft her hair was, and how insanely intense their kiss had been.


	11. Good riddance

**JAMIE**

“Christ, the state of you.” – Jamie says as she directs Owen to her jeep.

It wasn’t easy to reach her vehicle, since Owen kept tripping, and Jamie being relatively small and Owen relatively tall, she almost fell with him once or twice.

“I’ve never been batter.” – Owen insisted, as she got him inside the car, closing the door behind her.

“Is that so?” – She asks as she sits in the driver’s seat and starts the engine.

“Yup – see, seat belt is…it’s, uh – give me a minute.” – Owen shuffles around in his seat, looking for the seat belt.

Jamie makes the job easier for him, reaching it before Owen takes it in his hands and snapping it in shortly after.

Owen stays silent for the majority of the trip, even falls asleep for a couple of minutes before Jamie hits a bad part of the road and he jumps awake.

“So…” - Owen cleared his throat – “How was Dani?” 

“Dani’s fine.”

“Right. Sorry to point this out but – you don’t look fine yourself.”

“Just tired, is all.” 

Jamie’s answers were so quick, dry and short that Owen took the hint and didn’t insist further.

He was already fighting to stay awake so he really didn’t have that much energy left in him to pick another kind of fight with an angry Jamie Taylor.

-\\-

After making sure Owen was safely inside his house, Jamie’s ride to her flat was quick enough. 

She parked her car in the usual spot, close enough to the pub but not right outside of it. 

Experience had taught her that drunk men had a knack for pissing and vomiting and punching whatever was in front of them when they were plastered with alcohol, and she didn’t want her car to be in the receiving end of it.

She got inside her flat, grateful for the contrast in temperature. 

As she lay inside her bed only a couple of minutes later, Jamie was glad she felt tired and exhausted. That way, sleep would come quick and take her away from the persisting images and feelings that were torturing her.

She closed her eyes only to find Dani Clayton there, blue eyes half-closed as she leans in and kisses her again.

Sleep wouldn’t come quick after all.

**DANI**

Dani was heavily drunk.

She could see Eddie’s disappointment, even if his eyes were hidden behind his reflective glasses.

“You know what? I don’t even care what you think anymore.” 

The bonfire was quickly dimming with Eddie’s glasses already melted in its midst. She had thrown them there just minutes before, sealing the end of an era.

“I’m done.”

Dani was talking in Eddie’s direction, who was unresponsive. 

But something was different now. She was finding it harder and harder to focus on him, as if he was slowly drifting away, the edges of his body blurred and gradually becoming more undefined. _Must be the alcohol._

“I’m done feeling guilty – I…I did all my best; I gave you everything for years and years …until…I…until I just couldn’t anymore.”

Dani’s thoughts were incoherent in her mind but she somehow managed to keep grabbing some of them and say them out loud.

“I am not a bad person.”

Silence.

“But you made me feel like one. And that’s not fair.”

More silence.

“I won’t accept that anymore.” – She finally said, her tone was firm and resolute.

Eddie’s shadow crumbled away, tiny dark shapes dissolving away and disappearing into the bonfire’s smoke.

“Good riddance.” – Dani mutters, raising the bottle of wine as a goodbye gesture, proceeding to finish it up in one big gulp.

-\\-

Dani wakes up in a confused haze of blurry eyes and something hammering in her brain.

Judging by the thin veil of light coming in though the curtains, it’s still around 5 or 6am. 

It was too soon to wake up - the kids wouldn’t be up for hours. 

The house only begins to get remotely noisy at around 8am, when Owen arrives and begins preparing breakfast for everyone.

Not entirely satisfied by waking up one hour before her usual routine, and certainly not happy about her simmering headache, Dani turns to her other side, trying to use the bed sheets as cover from the offending light.

Memories from the night before begin flooding her mind.

Snaps of Jamie smiling, kissing, grabbing her.

Feelings of heartbreak and disappointment.

Somehow, in the middle of it all, there was also some kind of inner peace trying to say hi.

Her head might feel heavy with the hangover, but her heart was a bit lighter than usual.

Dani vaguely reminds talking into the darkness, wine bottle in hand. 

Throwing the glasses into the bonfire.

Eddie’s ghost dissolving right in front of her.

_The guilt is gone._

Dani’s only pressing worry was to get back in touch with Jamie and let her know she wanted her, badly.

To let her know her ghosts didn’t matter anymore.

To ler her know she was hers, totally, finally.

She was free.

But she had to be sure first.

Dani opened her eyes and scanned the room through heavy eyelids. The pounding on her head kept going, relentlessly – so she extended her arm to grab the glass of water she usually had by her bed, and emptied it of its contents right away.

_No sign of Eddie so far._

She got up, noticing she fell asleep with her grey jumper, and went to check the mirror.

_Nothing._

She stared at her dishevelled hair self for a couple of seconds, her eyes full of defiance. 

_Still nothing._

Dani then proceeded to grab a batch of clean clothes, taking them to the bathroom with her, adamant to enjoy her shower to its full extent.

She would definitely spend the whole time thinking of Jamie.

Letting herself _feel_ Jamie.

Definitely _feel herself_.

And Eddie…well…if he would even dare to appear, he could watch the show for all she cared.

-\\-

Fifteen minutes later, the headache was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short one, I know - but the next chapter - which includes the infamous greenhouse flirting scene, will be longer - so compensation is afoot.  
> I might even go slightly off-canon on that scene - removing Flora's cockblocking with more built-up tension, because I'm sadistic like that.


	12. Boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys. There's no turning back now.

**JAMIE**

It was early in the day, perfectly silent and calm for Jamie to do some indoor work with the plants. 

To be honest, she was a bit reluctant to come to work, even after a few days of rest. 

Half of her brain wanted to see Dani and talk with her, but the other one, the most rational, was telling her to lay low and just let it go. 

She had spent most of her week in her flat, reading, eating, sleeping, watching tv, anything - to take her mind off Dani - but to no avail. 

Every single night, her mind kept wandering, kept exploring. 

At some point, Hannah had called to check in on her, asking if she'd come back this Thursday, as early as usual. 

Jamie didn't confirm. 

She herself wasn't sure if she should wait it out a bit longer before going back. Let blondie sort herself out in her absence.

It was a surprise, then, when she heard a knock on the greenhouse’s door, turning to find Dani holding two cups on her hands.

 _Guess I didn’t have to wait too long to deal with this then._ – Jamie thought.

“Don’t usually see you this early in the a.m.” – She says, her walls up, ready to defend herself.

“Uh…Yeah, well, I-I knew…um…I know that y-you start early on Thursdays”

_Do you now? Someone has been talking to Hannah._

“So, I thought I’d bring you some coffee!” – Dani’s tone was cheerful and hopeful, and Jamie found this was going to be harder than expected.

“You yanks and your coffee.” – She bites back.

“You might like it.” – Dani insists, forcing Jamie to look back and fully face her.

Jamie takes one of the cups, deciding not to look at her yet.

“Cheers.” – They say to one another.

Jamie sips the coffee sip and is not surprised to find that it is, indeed, awful. 

_Oh Dani._

She carefully spits it back into the cup.

“I’m not the best at coffee, either.” – The au-pair nervously says.

Jamie places the cup back at the table and decides to put some distance between them. If they were going to small-talk, they could at least do it cordially.

“How’s your week been?” – She asks, deciding to play it safe. There was no way in hell she was gonna bring up the kiss herself. Might as well leave that up for Dani, if she even wanted to talk about it, that is.

Dani proceeds to talk about how the kids have been weird, and how the adult’s absence was taking a toll on her.

_Yeah, I guess we’re not really gonna talk about that kiss huh._

“Sometimes, people just need to be alone.” – Is all Jamie says, without really thinking about it. Her defence mechanism was still working perfectly well, it seems. 

She steals a glance at Dani, only to find what she was dreading to see: Dani’s sad look.

_Shit._

_You really didn't need to be an asshole, Jamie...geez._

She decides Dani doesn’t deserve this. 

But maybe she shouldn’t let her off the hook just yet.

“Did you wake up just for this?”

“No.” – Dani answered in the least convincing way possible. 

“You just waited for me to come back.” – Jamie was quick to point out.

“I-I knew that you were coming back today, but…no, no particular reason.” 

“Are the kids awake?” – Jamie asks, just to be sure.

“Um, no. No, they’re asleep.”

_Oh, this is going to be too easy._

“So, you just got up with the sun. And you’re uh…tiptoeing around the kitchen making awful coffee by yourself, just to come say hi at six in the morning, for no particular reason?”

_There it is._

_Like a deer caught in the headlights._

Dani’s mouth twitches in nervousness.

“Poppins, you flirt.” – She finally says, walking away, completely delighted by the notion of an eager Dani, waiting all these days for her to come back to work and offering crappy coffee to make amends.

Maybe she could deal with this after all, seeing that Jamie wasn’t the only one dreading and anticipating this moment. They were both navigating these awkward, turbulent waters of wanting to be together but not knowing how to do it after what happened.

“Fine.” – Dani says, closing the distance between them with that nervous walk of hers. - “I-I..I don’t like the way we left it.”

Jamie turns to her, a small smile still in her face.

“And how did we leave it?” – She asks, deciding this was the question she most longed to hear the answer to.

“Wrong…And-And I wanted to…I wanted to start doing something right.” – Dani bravely says, – “So, I thought I’d start with coffee.”

Jamie would be lying if she said she didn’t like what she just heard. 

In fact, she was actually relieved, probably for the first time in days. 

“You sure about that?” – She asks after a few seconds. – “Because every time I think you might be sure, you’ve got this irritating habit of jumping back, like you’ve seen a scary bug.”

She turns her back to Dani, trying to keep on with her work. 

“Maybe that’s the best, really.” She adds, deciding that Dani deserved to hear the truth from her too – “I like you. But I also like my life the way it is: nice and boring.”

“Yeah, I-I wouldn’t want to disrupt that.” – She hears Dani say behind her.

Jamie was about to regret saying those words when-

“Gotta keep things proper borin’, haven’t we?” 

_Christ, Dani._

Jamie snickers, but quickly hides her smirk, as Dani is suddenly on her side again:

“Look – there’s, there’s a pub in Bly, right?”

_Interesting question._

“There is.” – She patiently answers, though deep inside she’s growing immensely flustered at the direction of the conversation.

“Would you like to get a drink?” – Dani asks. 

Jamie tries her best to keep on with the work, given it is the only distraction that's keeping her from grinning like an idiot. 

“Away from the house. Away from all this.” 

Something in Jamie’s mind lights up. She remembers full well that the conversation in which Dani found out about Bly’s pub, was the very same conversation that Jamie had told her that she lived right above it. 

Jamie’s already staring at Dani when she asks: “That could be kinda boring, right?”

“Could be dreadfully boring” – Jamie agrees, knowing full well they really didn’t believe any of that. She decides to wait a bit more before going in for the kill.

“Okay so, I could ask Hannah to watch the kids one night. And you, and me… could get a boring, old drink, in a boring, old pub. And see where that takes us.”

It takes everything Jamie has to not push Dani against one of the tables and kiss her. 

_She’s going to be the death of me, I swear._

But she sure as hell wouldn’t let her know that, at least not yet.

No, she was enjoying this all too much.

“You know I live above that pub, right?”

Dani’s silent, mischievous look says it all. It’s funny really. On one hand, Dani is mortified that Jamie caught on so quick, but on the other hand, she’s delighted she’s teasing, rendering her speechless. All she could do was bit her lip and let Jamie savour the moment.

“I told you that already, didn’t I?” – Jamie hammers on. “Got a little flat. Right above the boring, little pub.”

Jamie isn’t even hiding her self-satisfied smirk at this point. 

The best part? Neither was Dani. 

They stayed like that, smiling at each other for a couple of seconds, in that silent, mutual understanding that everything was out in the open now, up for grabs. 

-\\-

**JAMIE & DANI**

“Honestly Poppins, what am I going to do with ya?”

There it was, that nickname again. 

Dani was now 100% sure she still had a chance. And that confirmation gave her all the courage she needed.

“You could, you know, say yes…” – She said, putting the coffee cup down. “Have a drink with me?”

Dani’s eyes were full of determination, jumping from Jamie’s eyes to her lips.

The gardener smirks and shakes her head, still amused at Dani’s idea of straightforwardness.

_Ah, fuck it._

“Seems to me your invitation involves a little bit more than just a drink, to be honest.” – Jamie observes, slowly shifting herself so that she was in front of Dani. 

The au-pair was now stuck between the worktable behind her and Jamie in front, who was dangerously leaning into her. 

“Dunno if you’re ready for that.” – Jamie carries on, inclining her head to one side, as if inspecting Dani for proof. She then places her hands on either side of Dani on the table, promptly locking her in.

The au-pair’s boldness almost, almost crumbled.

Jamie’s insufferable smirk, on the other hand, somehow helped fuel her response:

“What if I am?” – She asks, cocking an eyebrow upwards.

Jamie had to muster all her strength to keep herself grounded after Dani's challenge.

“I don’t know Poppins…” Jamie starts, leaning as much as she could without fully touching Dani – “Cause you see… I don’t think it’ll be boring. I don’t think it’ll be boring at all.”

Dani feels her cheeks getting suddenly warm as a consequence of what Jamie was implying.

Then her breathing stopped altogether as Jamie finally closed the gap between them and began leaving a trail of kisses slowly up her neck.

The au-pair swallows hard and finds that her throat and mouth are too dry. She licks her lips, and tries to say something, anything.

But all she can feel is her neck and face turning bright red. All she can do is grab something for stability, so she ends up holding Jamie’s waist, perhaps a bit too tightly.

As Jamie senses Dani’s erratic breathing and how she was holding her, Jamie finds she probably won't be able to control herself that well after all. She also remembers they still have a lot fo talk about before things get too serious. 

So she pushes away, removing her head from Dani’s neck. Dani subconsciously tried to close their distance again by swaying into Jamie, but the gardener is already removing Dani’s hands from her waist and gently holding them.

“I wouldn’t want to rush it and hit a wall again.” – Jamie added.

Dani had lust splayed all over her face, struggling to put together whatever Jamie was saying.

“So, I’ll have to think about your offer. Okay?” Jamie asks, staring back at Dani, her heart beating fast and her entire body very, very angry at what Jamie had just denied herself to indulge on. A few seconds went by as they look into each other’s eyes, the tension between them impossible to bear.

“I…yes.” – Dani eventually agrees, finally registering Jamie’s question. She licks her lips again and adds: “Okay.”

“Right.” – Jamie clears her throat, stepping away and turning her back – “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

A disoriented Dani, who looks way too disappointed at the sudden lack of proximity, manages to move away from the table and snap out of it.

“Yes! Sorry about that. We’ll huh, we’ll talk later?” – Dani asks, her voice breaking a little on that last word. 

“Sure.” Jamie answers, her attention already diverted to a succulent on the opposite table.

Resisting Dani’s begging eyes and lips had been laborious enough, Jamie couldn’t even bare looking at her now. If she were totally honest, she was quite impressed at how she managed to keep it together for so long. 

The blonde’s mind, on the other hand, was beginning to clear up a bit. She started to make her way out, turning back only to steal one last look at Jamie, who was back to repotting plants.  


Dani decided she needed a better compromise. "You promise?" 

Jamie's heart is not strong enough. She looks up to Dani. "Promise." 

Dani smiles, content. She gathers enough courage to say: 

“That was not nice, by the way. Teasing a girl like that.” 

“Dunno what you’re talking about, Poppins.” – The gardener shrugs, feigning innocence. 

“Right. I’ll let it slide.” - She says in her teacher’s tone - “Just this once.” 

With that, she exits the greenhouse, leaving a blushing Jamie behind.


	13. Blondie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short one before it gets long again.  
> I saw an opportunity to make bad puns, so I took it.  
> Sorry in advance.

**DANI**

The au-pair didn’t have much time to enjoy the excitement of what had just happened inside the greenhouse.

As soon as she took a couple of steps outside, her smile quickly faded away, for Flora was walking towards the lake, in her pyjamas, transfixed by something in front of her.

What happened next was even weirder, because the young girl didn’t seem to know why she was outside, and as soon as Dani begun asking more questions, she fainted in her arms.

Jamie was quick to catch on, as Dani had called for her. They both took Flora inside and even though she eventually woke up and seemed alright, it was decided that she’d spend the rest of the day in bed because she said she was feeling tired.

The gardener and the au-pair spent some time looking for Hannah, eventually giving up and joining Owen for some afternoon tea in the kitchen.

-\\-

**JAMIE**

Dani didn’t stay for long, worried about Flora. When she left to go upstairs, Jamie and Owen were left alone, enjoying some more peaceful time together.

“You just came back today too?” – Owen asked after a couple of minutes. 

“Yeah. Took some days off, figured I should take them before the year ends.” – Owen nodded, then stayed silent - “You okay?” - She asks a few seconds later.

“Yeah, yeah. Kind of weird to have a house like that so empty. By myself. It’s not great. I think it’s time to start thinking about Paris.”

“What, your own restaurant?” – Jamie asks, just to be sure. She remembers hearing Owen talking about it once or twice.

It had seemed like a distant dream then.

“Yes.” – Owen confirms, taking a sip of his tea.

“Well, you’re right. If there’s a right moment for that, it’s about now.” – Jamie ponders out loud, then adds: “Lucky French, I say.”

Owen smiles.

Jamie looks at him sideways, trying to decide if it’d be wise to ask about Hannah. But before she can ask, Owen veered the subject to Dani:

“What about blondie? How are things?” 

It had started to be a recurring nickname for Dani between them three – Blondie – Jamie had a thing for the band with the same name and, well, Dani being blonde, it was only natural for that name to come up whenever she, Owen and Hannah were having lunch together.

She had a feeling that they were hinting at the fact that they probably knew Jamie cared a lot for her too, but it was all subliminal, never spoken.

“She’s uh, better, I think. But she can’t catch a break with the kids being weird and all that. I uh – I actually wanted to speak with you about that.” – Jamie says, repositioning herself in the chair so that her arms are resting on the tabletop and she’s facing Owen.

“Oh?” – The cook asks, curious.

Jamie was about to elaborate when Hannah appears in the kitchen, looking slightly confused, but quickly regaining her composure.

“Hello loves.” – She greets, getting herself a cup of tea and sitting by Owen’s side.

As Hannah asks what was going on, Jamie continues:

“Well, uh – I was thinking – maybe I could take Dani for a walk around Bly, maybe hit the Pub, dunno. Tonight. It’d do her some good, I reckon.”

“Do you, now?” – He asked, amusement suddenly taking over his face. 

“Can’t really picture Dani relaxing to be quite honest.” – Owen added, as Jamie refused to respond, sensing his fake-naive tone - “With you, of all people.”

Jamie refused to look at Owen, starting to pick at the table, her expression hidden away. He decided to carry on:

“Here I was, thinking she’d… _call me!_ But instead, I guess she’s just got this… _heart of glass._ ”

Jamie knew full well what Owen was doing. 

He was making painfully bad puns with the band’s song names and teasing her about Dani at the same time. 

This was payback for her teasing Owen back in the garden with the gins and all. Asking him if Dani was pretty. Making him blush and whatnot.

_Twat._

Hannah had a tight, amused smile on her face.

Jamie felt her face getting hot. The fact that both Hannah and Owen were now fully aware of her crush on Dani was killing her, especially since she was the one who first teased Owen about her.

“All right you lot. Very funny.” Jamie mutters loud enough for them to hear, the awkwardness turning into mild annoyance.

“Come now, Jamie dear. We’ll look after the kids. Right, Owen?” - Hannah said, trying to keep things light.

“Right. Of course. You guys should definitely go on a date, _one way or another._ ” - Owen said, his face serious now but his eyes clearly amused.

“That’s it, I’m leaving.” – Jamie said, getting up in a brash way.

Jamie liked to tease people but when the tables turned on her, she had a short temper about it. 

From experience though, Owen and Hannah knew she’d cool down quickly enough.

Having that in mind, Owen raised his voice so that Jamie would hear him as she turned her back, put her jacket on and left.

“I’m staying anyway!" – Owen called out. - "So, you better change your mind. I’d be quite a waste to leave your _Sunday Girl_ waiting.” 

Hannah turned to Owen:

“I think you’ve pushed it a bit too far, love.”

“Ooh, she’ll come back.” - Owen said, as he picked a biscuit from the tin.

"Possibly so. But she's right you know, Dani could use a night off." - Hannah points out - "Speaking of which, where is she?" 

"Upstairs. Flora is unwell again, I'm afraid." - Owen answered, glancing at Hannah's intact tea in the process.

"Oh dear. I'm gonna go check on her, then."

-\\-

Jamie was driving into the night, muttering between her teeth. 

“Fuckin’ Owen.”

It had taken her all the courage in the world to ask him to stay behind, knowing he’d tease her about it.

She had felt exposed and vulnerable, something she hated, even if for good fun.

_It was all for good fun, wasn’t it, though?_

It wasn’t as if Owen and Hannah were shaming her for wanting to go out with Dani. 

_They were actually pretty cool about it._

Jamie hit the brakes and stopped her Jeep on the side of the road.

She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, her head hitting the headrest.

All she could see was Dani. 

Dani, who had passionately kissed her a few days ago as if her life depended on it, and lit something inside of her that had long been buried deep. 

Weird, anxious and brave Dani, who wasn’t scared of going out in the night with a fire poker to defend the kids. The very same kids she would easily scold too. 

She was a keeper, Jamie thought. She was definitely worth the try.

Jamie shook her head in disbelief, and made a U-turn on the road.

“All right. I guess I’m fucking doing this.” - She says to the open road ahead of her, her face still hot from the recent embarassment.


End file.
